Distrust.

So. Today is a change. I don't feel much like blogging about the funny things. and thats ok. Cause this is my space.

Today is one of those days where i realize that there are so many levels of me that at times with out actually knowing me, this is tough to comprehend.

I found out something very heartbreaking last night. I found out that someone that i care for deeply has been lieing to me to protect me. or perhaps to protect herself. Either way. when i learned the truth it hurt so desperately.

See my ex has a new girlfriend... I should be happy right? no. we broke upunder the pretenses that she loved me but needed to work on herself. couldn't be in a relationship. Yet here we are 2 and a half months later.

I am angry. Infuriated. I have removed her entirely from my life.

Besides hating the thought of her with someone else, actually probably more than that, i am plaugued by the idea of WHATS WRONG WITH ME? What does this girl have that i dont? Did all the late nights and hand holding and being there for you mean NOTHING? Was it all a lie?

yes not every part of me is cool and confident. I too am human.

and today I hurt.

Please understand that this is not up for dicussion. I am ignoring the fact. Except in my own dark little space.