All the world is a stage...

And the drama proves it. As of tonight. I am officially no longer a club promoter. And perhaps this is for the best. But I realized something important in my little adventure as a promoter. This isn't what I want for my life. I don't want to live at the club and ingest too much blue liquor...

Everything in moderation and eventually its time to admit that adulthood is inevitable.

I wont go into what happened. But lets just say... There are people that need to learn my lessons.

I wonder why I was so attached to this job. Well no I don't. It was the lights and the music... And being someone important. Back "home" I spent so much of my life being so and so's sister, or so and so's roommate. That I never had my own identity. Here I was special.

But do I really need a dance club to be special. Do I need to be drunk and smoke a million cigarettes to feel alive?

We shall see what develops. There is some fierce loyalty in the GLBT community.

So the mood lately has been a little sober around here... SO something a little lighter tonight.... "Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus" is quite possibly one of the most amusing pieces of literature I have had the joy of reading in a long long time. If you need something to make you laugh hysterically or at least chuckle... Totally check out this book.

On another note. Today was national TRIO day. Which means... Conference time... Which means... A bunch a highschool students that are NUTS and a handful of college students crammed onto a college campus attending workshops and speakers. Usually what I take away from this is the usual. Info on 4 year colleges, study tips, career ideas. This year, I attended a work shop called "the money bowl"... It was a lesson in "ethical dilemmas". The presenter placed 8 "dollars on the table in front of each team. He counted down and you had to snatch money. Whatever you got you kept and could use in the auction. However. At the end of every 30 second interval he would double what ever was left on the table. Well we ran a game plan as a team... Leave all the money till the last round and then snatch it, each man for themselves! Well 10 seconds into the game, the 13 year old smart ass grabbed it all... Then as the rest of the rounds went on... He babbled about how he was gonna win... And I tried to explain to him the concept of scarce resources, and cooperation, trust. Blah blah blah. Except he actually listened to me. And then told me I am smart. He was asking all sorts of questions about what its like to be in college, what I wanna be "when I grow up". It was in this moment that I realized that one of the gifts of the TRIO program was being put in the position to be a role model... Whether its to the talent search or upward bound kids or to other college student just entering the student support services.

These programs are so valuable to today's schools, the offer disabled, low income and first generation college students a chance to succeed in a environment that is both intellectually and financially challenging. Yet they are currently being threatened with extinction. God Bless George W.

Slut vs Stud

So its wednesday yet again. this means i sat through sociology. This means i have something profound to blog about. Todays musing.... THE DOUBLE STANDARD.

In todays climate sex is everywhere we look. Its on TV, and in ads, in fashion, even sports to a degree. Woman are blatanly drenched in expectations to express their sexuality, I mean look at music and swimsuits. It is becoming the norm to display blatant sexuality. To be SEXUAL. However. This is fine until a woman acts on the demonstration of her sexuality outside of a committed romantic relationship.

Then she is a slut. A whore. Trashy. Definetly not wife material.

However, place said man in same boat. Society does not expect him to clad himself in overly provacitive clothing. And when he demonstrates his sexuality outside of a committed relationship he is a stud. A pimp. A player. A ladies man.

WHY?

Is it because most of society is controlled by men? such as the media and the economy and the government?

Perhaps it is a statement on the acceptibility of the demonstration of male agression?

There is no denying that we have a vibrant service industry geared towards the sexual gratification of men. No city in america can claim to have NO PROSTITUTION. While this industry is still seen as immoral in the eyes of america, all too often in the critisim we are not belittling the men that utilize the services, but the women that provide the services.

If you look even deeper as we climb up the class system the sex workers change from hookers to call girls to escorts. The richer the patron the less hostile societys reaction to them becomes. Afterall. Men who use escorts are successful, they have "needs" but very little time to persue a romantic relationship, afterall they are the corner stones of our economy, our government, our country.

However. I am a woman who works hard, attends school, and presently is not "looking" for romantic attachements. Why am i not afforded the same understanding were i to seek having my "needs" met? Now i am in no way saying i am gonna become a customer of the sex industry. But i would like to know that i can find a no strings encounter with out being judged, with out knowing that if my activities weren't on the "down low" I would be labeled a Slut, despite the fact that i am a smart, attractive, ambitious woman.

just some food for thought.

*****disclaimer: i am not persuing a NSA encounter, just musing*******

One of those golden days

Today was one of those rare beautiful instances where everything starts to fall together perfectly. It was one of those days where I felt like a princess, Albert Einstein and a rockstar all at once...

For starters it is the 21st... RENT (the movie) was released on DVD, and instead of being broke, as I assumed I would be when I heard of the release, I was schealuded to participate in a focus group which was gonna pay $75 dollars... So I get up and get dressed... And throw on some clothes.... Take a bus... Get there fill out some forms... Eat a turkey sandwich... Text message with an extremely cute girl... And then POOF they call in the group... Except ME! Ok... Initially I was tripping a little... I mean... What no money?!?!?!?! But. Then the lady comes to explain to me that they always over schelude people and that I needed to wait ten minutes and if they were happy with the rest of the group I would be paid and free to go... Summary... I got paid $75 dollars to text message and eat a turkey sandwich.

I then proceeded to Borders to purchase RENT! Oh my god!!!!!!!! I can watch it everyday for the rest of my life!!!

Enter Stinky- I picked him up super early and we came home... He was SOOOOOO GOOD! We ate dinner together, and talked, and played computer games and did home work. After home work he looked at me and said "thank you my sweetheart". We had a couple rough spots where he was caught lieing or doing something he shouldn't but both times he accepted the punishments (one a time out and the other extra homework).

All in all it has been one of those blissfully amazing days. I hope I'm not disappointing you with the lack of chaos and angst in my life.

Though I was forced to speculate on how all these small simple things are so amazing today cause they were all clumped together. How often do we as people overlook the minor miracles in our life cause it was just one small thing that went right in the rest of the chaos? More importantly why do we have to treat the chaos as something bad... Perhaps we make mountains out of molehills. Perhaps life doesn't have to be so tiresome afterall.

"He smells like a wet goat"

A special shout out tonight to all the presidents of the past. Were it not for you today would have no been Presidents Day. Presidents Day means NO SCHOOL.

So yeah I thought that was gonna be hellish... Stinky home all day and then add his two best friends to the equation PLUS the dinosaur museum... But actually it was an amazing day... Today was a reminder of how wonderful kids are. I would like this time to share a few moments with you-

(said to me about Stinky)- "He smells like a wet goat." - Lil L (age 5) (how do you NOT laugh at that statement)

Walking to the bus stop practicing dinosaur roars the three boys made a tourist jump from shock as they imitated a "sky back" (pterodactyl), a T-Rex and a Brontosaurus.

At one point I had two 5 year olds and a 6 year old protect me from GIANT bugs (so they were robots but hey still scary) LOL

SO on another note about my interesting day... The following occurred on my last survey of the night at work.

Caller: Do you share this information with the government?
ME: no Ma'am I don't believe we do.
Caller: good... Cause they are watching me, ever since I ended up on a mailing list to impeach Bush. They re watching you too.
ME: Well... I'll keep that in mind... Um.... Thank you for your time tonight.

This appeared to be a TOTALLY sane person before that conversation... Also she claims to live on one of the most swanky streets in Chicago, but makes less than $30,000..... hmmmm

So I leave you all with this.... THEY ARE WATCHING YOU!

Not Sure.

So i'm not sure what this will end up being about all i know is that i no longer want distrust to be my top post.

i moved to chicago almost 2 years ago. for what i thought to be a meaningful relationship...

well lets just say that in the end the only thing meaningful about it was Chicago. I subsequently look at my relationship follys. And i think of Punk Ass

Our story in remarkable simply in the fact that you cant make shit like that up.

She is the one that i threw shoes at. We screamed. We made many stupid decisions. We danced like only lovers can. and We Dreamed...

I met Punk Ass online. and in the true spirit of the insane bohemia i was living in at the time she came to minnesota in the drop of a hat. It was only after she was here that we realized we had HARD core been checking each other out at the bar when she used to live here with her ex (prior to our relationship she was reffered to by me and my sister as Visor Girl)

Punk Ass... We have never been far apart since we broke up. No matter how many miles and hours between us.

Punk Ass is one of the few things i actually do regret. But not her... Never her. But the actions. The situation. I look at her and i see what could have been my future, had i been a little smarter, a little more ok, a little less bohemian and not my sisters sister.

But you live and you learn. And some point soon. I will board a plane, and i will be holding Punk Ass's hand again. even if only for the moment...

On that note- A special shout out to Punk Ass- 10 of cups.

Distrust.

So. Today is a change. I don't feel much like blogging about the funny things. and thats ok. Cause this is my space.

Today is one of those days where i realize that there are so many levels of me that at times with out actually knowing me, this is tough to comprehend.

I found out something very heartbreaking last night. I found out that someone that i care for deeply has been lieing to me to protect me. or perhaps to protect herself. Either way. when i learned the truth it hurt so desperately.

See my ex has a new girlfriend... I should be happy right? no. we broke upunder the pretenses that she loved me but needed to work on herself. couldn't be in a relationship. Yet here we are 2 and a half months later.

I am angry. Infuriated. I have removed her entirely from my life.

Besides hating the thought of her with someone else, actually probably more than that, i am plaugued by the idea of WHATS WRONG WITH ME? What does this girl have that i dont? Did all the late nights and hand holding and being there for you mean NOTHING? Was it all a lie?

yes not every part of me is cool and confident. I too am human.

and today I hurt.

Please understand that this is not up for dicussion. I am ignoring the fact. Except in my own dark little space.

BEHOLD THE POWER OF:

THE JUNK DRAWER... Tonight Stinky was adamant about wanting to go out with his Mom although it was an adult work related function. Poor kid is going through separation anxiety which is incredibly normal. So to distract him his mom pulls open the junk drawer and pulls out the following in an effort to distract him.

*shamu stickers
*a hot wheels car
*a calculator that flips itself open
*an old cell phone
*sparkly earrings
* "a toothbrush for your finger" (a brush up)
*more stickers embellished with Stinky's name

And this actually took us from tears to giggles. Its so easy to be a kid. I wish that when I was stressed out I could just open a drawer full of junk, find something amusing and POOF the world would be awesome!

Socialization of the Hippie child.

This semester I am taking marriages and family's, aka Soc 102. I swear I'm being taught my mr.rogers father. Its that bad comedy's. But like any sociology class it inspires me. Today we were discussing the theories of socialization.

Now I'm not quite sure if its my teacher or reality but they all seemed to revolve around the idea of proper gender roles being the main force in socialization. I mean take the social learning theory (defined by my teacher as: children learn their gender role as taught by parents, school and media).

Well perhaps I grew up in a very different household then most. See my mom didn't educate me in the ideas of gender roles. She educated me in the idea of fairness, and the joy of learning, and to be confident and work hard. She taught me that I can be anything I want to be.

I didn't grow up thinking girls played with dolls and boys played with trucks.. I grew up playing with my trucks and my dolls. My dresses weren't all pink and frilly and I wore blue and plaid just as often as pink.

I knew songs like "free to be you" and me and "Williams doll"

Somewhere along the way, hippies started raising children folks. And adults like me are the results. Free thinking, educated, compassionate, opinionated, eclectic people.

The world is about to change.

To the office ladies. (and a short rant about the date)

So I know you all sit there... And actually read my blog which is odd.... So little miss blonde office lady (formely known as KHFW) this post is for you.

While talking with the other office lady on google talk (P) I got quizzed on who is my muse, who is punkass, we know who pickle is....

Blah Blah Blah... You chicks crack me up. I can picture you sitting there. Behind your SUPER tall desk and devouring my blog. Like ME the lesbian nanny actually has something interesting to say. Something that you haven't already heard. Well anyhow... I appreciate the readership... And I will try my damnedest to keep you two entertained so that Uncle thinks your working super hard...

Now.... Its Valentines Day.
I hate Valentines Day. Even when I'm not single... I hate valentines day. Lets review what has come of valentines days past
*my ex gave me a neon Pucker bar sign... I made her a valentine out of lego's and actually sat through a timberwolves basketball game. We vowed that we would not end up at the bar dancing and talking to all our friends ignoring each other. But alas... By 11pm we were on the stage.
*I was preparing to move across country for this girl... I spent $75 on a bus ticket and 8 horrible hours on the bus to be with her for valentines day. And I got a carebear and some black nail polish. Hell we were still together the next valentines day and I cant for the life of me tell you what she got me. Chances are it was jellybeans and a card. BAH
*The rest of them have been spent alone.... Which after reviewing my coupled valentines days... I think I was better off alone. Truly.

This year I have a hot date with Stinky. We are going to McD's and then we are going to finish putting together his lego toy. Nothing says I love you like his smile. Yeah he is definitely the best valentine a girl could ask for! (and I don't even have to shave my legs!)

Muses.

So today I finished my story for my creative writing class... Have had writers block all week, but it was due at midnight so I finally got down and wrote my heart out. (finished at 11:46) but it is amazing. Now we shall see what my class thinks.

A special shout out today to my muse... With out you "unexpected" wouldn't have been possible.

On the muse note...
I have been dubbed a muse. Which got me to thinking about how I impact the world. I started thinking that perhaps someday my artist will be famous. And the images that I have inspired will hang in the finest museums and people will ponder them and I will be like the Mona Lisa.

and then I realized that I make a huge difference in the world.

I bring a kid smiles everyday
I take care of so many people emotionally
I smile at random people
I live as a good person

Yet so often I feel so invisible. I recently had a talk with a friend, about how I felt like I was so alone regardless of being surrounded by people... Cause the ones that I support are blind to my needs and I just struggle through on my own. And this friend... Listened... Then 20 minutes later I was listening to her tell me all about why she wants to kill herself (and they weren't good reasons).... And poof suddenly it was back to the old patterns... Poor you... Please let me make it all better.

I understand that I am a remarkable person. And Strong beyond belief. I just wished that certain people would understand that I am not always strong. I spoke with PunkAss today. And she asked why I will always love her. And its really quite simple. She has seen me at my best. And my worst. Yet regardless she loves me wholly and unconditionally and expects me only to be me. And this is such a relief. Cause I know that strong or weak. Someone will always be there.

143 PunkAss.

so thinking today. About all the good I bring. Has made me feel a little more valuable in this big scarey world we live in.

May all of you out there find your value in those hidden places... And remember life isn't always totally daunting.

Hello my name is Lola and I'm calling from the survey center *click*

So anyhow... My name isn't Lola but I do work for the survey center. And I call people... The speil goes something like this... Blah blah blah calling from the survey center, I promise you I'm not selling anything, I am actually doing a brief opinion study of food shopping. Are you one of the main food shoppers in the house?

Now... This survey takes less than 5 minutes. I am really not trying to sell anything. And face it people... I need to make a living like everyone else, and as a poor college student...This is how I do it. I am stunned by the rude responses... And today I will share some of them with you.

"I'm not interested" - What are you not interested in??? Cause judging by Americas obesity rate I doubt your referring to food. I didn't really need your interest cause I'm not offering you anything. I asked if you were one of the main food shoppers...

"We are on the do not call list"- READ THE FINE PRINT and LISTEN... That list only applies to telemarketers... I am a market research company.

"I don't have time for this"(while hearing something mundane and insanely loud in the back ground like a golden girls rerun)- COME ON! What else do you have to so??? Sophia is always old and Blanch is always horny!

"NO"- They just say No. I ask if they are available. NO. I am a human being too! You can talk to me like one...

Now I do understand that to most people I am simply a telemarketer... But try to understand that people like me need jobs... And if we didn't work in a world where everyone is underemployed then perhaps I could find a less shitty job... But none the less... By you doing the survey and keeping me employed you are contributing to the economy cause trust me its not like I get to SAVE that paycheck...

Also keep in mind....
IF YOU ARE RUDE WHEN ASKING TO BE REMOVED FROM THE LIST... We put you on call back...
IF YOU HANG UP ON US..... We put you on call back.
IF YOU ARE RUDE TO US..... We put you on call back.

Get my point... Now try to be nicer to all of the Lola's that call you.

"A Hundred Years Ago"

So this morning Stinky says to me "we had this kool aid like a hundred years ago at school"... He is 5. How long ago was a hundred years when you are 5? Stinky is the most interesting child I know, he is a nudist and clingy and potentially a future homosexual of america (he is way too obsessed with his ass). He has a passion for things such as mcdonalds toys, yogurt and cartoons.

So yesterday he went to see The Incredibles On Ice (broughts to you by disney pixar) so as an after effect he has decided that the incredibles need his help.... They will be coming to get him soon. If they do I wonder if i can file for unemployment?

We have this bulldog... It is the dog from hell... Sweet and darling he is... A one year old bulldog is not what this family needs. excluding the cat we are all fairly high strung. So awhile back Queen P approached the idea that perhaps the dog would be happier in another home... Stinky acted as if this were the most injust proposition ever "Mommy we are family" he said over and over...

This morning said dog was licking him so he wanted me to put him outside! Wouldn't it be nice if we could do this with all annoying family members?? Just a thought. Enjoy your Saturday.

*** as i post this**** I quote "I farted in your bed Mommy".... Damn I love this kid!

Reasons Not to Drink Blue Cocktails.... And other stuff that's roaming in my head....

So this text is the same color as the drinks I was drinking last night... By the end of the night I was soaked in sweat and making out with this girl at the bus stop... Now... I'm not entirely sure how it happened... But I think it involved the words... Hey you. Lets make out. IT WAS HOT... Hands in hair, soft tongues, that desperate search for bare skin... And somewhere in this exchange I managed to obtain her name, school and major, hometown (also a Midwest girl) and her phone number... So now... I will sit here and wait to see if blondey calls... Cause damn I wanna kiss her again...

So while all this is happening poor Slinkster some how ended up making out with a gay man... He's straight... LOL

Speaking of Slinkster... He got QUITE the shock last night... He got the joy of meeting Stinky in his usual glory.... And by glory I mean minus the pants shaking his chubby little booty! I think that if it weren't for the vodka and red bull Slinkster might not have been able to handle this... OH! Once again Queen P has been dubbed a MILF! Now she needs to drop the act and admit it herself!

So last night I was holed up in the bathroom getting pretty and I had an epiphany (I was stewing over ms.19's girlfriend)... I am not a small chick... But I am amazingly attractive... So I started thinking about the girls I see out at the club... The ones that get all the attention... And its not that they are so beautiful... Its that they have the body to be considered beautiful without actually being aesthetically pleasing. The fact of the matter is that skinny girls that are mediocre in attractiveness claim they are hotter than the hot bigger girls... When in reality if they were to gain 100 pounds they would look like dilapidated cabbage patches... There is something to be said for genuine beauty.

Anywho. Last night while drinking beer with Queen P. We began discussing her future wedding... And how she is gonna have a problem... Kurt Henrich's Future Wife (KHFW) and me will not look good in the same colors... After much discussion she said we could wear whatever we wanted... I VOTED BLACK! She concurred.... Queen P will also wear black to this event.

A Special Shout Out

So tonight thanks to a wonderful fellow blogger I got a blog roll!!!!!!! Thanks to The Thinker! Check out his hilarious ramblings http://www.atableforone.blogspot.com
or his incredible photos http://www.chicagosunsets.blogspot.com
OR for all you dykey dykes and guys check out http:///www.todayssportsbeat.blogspot.com and for all you freaks that don't fit into the rest of that http://www.ulooklost.blogspot.com

The are all brought to you by my Thursday night savior...

On a side note... I'm on my way out to the club... Hopefully Ms.19 and her illiterate girlfriend stay out of my way.

And you care WHY?

So today i was chilling out surfing blogs on blogexplosion and all too often i would ask myself... Why do people blog about this crap. then it occured to me... I'm doing the same thing... So then I had to ask myself-- Self why do you enjoy reading this stuff so much. Basicly... I'm a voyeur. I life vicariously through other people... I use to to judge my own life and see that perhaps its not that crazy. The pure thrill of being able to put my thoughts out here and speak my mind and rhapsidize and dream and write miles and miles of pointless junk and to be able to do all that anonymously. Its oddly comforting.

I would like to think that because society has become such a judgemental and competitive place that this is where I can relax. Although even in the blogging world there is judgement and competition... ie: blog explosion and battle of the blogs.

And I'm sure once I really figure out what I am doing I too will be sucked into the marketing and exploitation of my thoughts. But its still nice to know that no matter how big this blog gets... Its still essentially just me, holed up in front of the computer... and you have NO IDEA WHO I AM

What is WRONG with People????

Its been an interesting day to day the least already! I was woken up at like 9 am cause my friend wanted to know why I hadn't been posting this weeks club EVERYWHERE online... And for some reason he didn't understand that I have a life outside of that bar! Then prior mentioned 19 year old sends me a text message insisting that her girlfriend knows how to spell conceited... I will give her credit she knows how to spell conceded but it would be nice if she could use the right word. Subsequently what I want to know is why do people find this stuff to be so important before noon???

But I concede (LOL).....
Tonight is thursday... that means it's me and my friend Slinksters dance night! A night to revel in Blue Cocktails and pounding music and just sweat and lose myself in the crowd... Its also a good time for me to remember that I'm single... and then get bitter and pissy.

Perhaps if I were jealous and immature and dumb I could find a girlfriend??? pehaps I should start misusing words and stealing girls cell phones while they are in the bathroom??? Or I could look at it realisticly... I'm probably better off..

Todays adventures include coffee with my friend, who also happens to be my ex, who also happens to be one of the best lovers I ever had. Although the lover stuff is well in the past, it just gets too messy and crazzy and emotional yet despite my adamant insistence that there will be NO SEXUAL RELATIONS between Pickle and myself everyone is still convinced that my afternoon will be spent in a perverse romp.

What really gets me in them saying this is that it totally taught me that i REALLY am FINALLY over Pickle. I don't want to sleep with her. I want to enjoy her company and piss and moan at her about the other stupid women in my life. I want her to go out with me so I can use her to make Ms.19 jealous. But I don't WANT her... This is major for me. In fact the only thing more major regarding Pickle would be if I could get Stinky (the kid i nanny) to stop singing "Pickle and *me* sitting in a tree Kixyggm" (he's 5 he can't spell yet).

Speaking of Stinky- Last night was tough. Queen P went out to visit a friend and this resulted in a FULL MELT DOWN. I felt so horrible and cruel and powerless sitting there watching Stinky scream. Cause it wasn't in my control to do anything other than perhaps bribe him with ice cream or cartoons. I know that the kid is going through a lot with his parents getting a divorce, and i know that he loves me and that i'm an important part of his life. and thats all good... Just sometimes i feel bad that i cant make all the boo boo's better with an incredibles band aid.

Side Note- This is blog number 2 online... The other being a cliche myspace account... This one being my dirty little secret where I can write honestly. Its starting to feel like an affair... and becoming WAY too addicting..

STUPID PEOPLE SUCK!

Taken verbatim after sending a text message wishing my friends a happy valentines day....

TXT 1: Hey this is ****"s girlfriend she's in the bathroom- i dont appreciate that

ME: What the hell? I didn't do anything! get over yourself, I'm 23 years old i don't play games like that.

TXT 2: I can be concieded because everyone wants me including the girl you'll never have.

ME: First of all it's concieted. You look pretty ignorant trying to be tough and spelling shit wrong, secondly there's a difference between wanting someone and being bored. Your teeny bopper bull is so not on my agenda for tonight. Sorry about your luck.

Note to self: NO MORE 19 YEAR OLDS!

Note to you: this is what the month of febuary does to a person... it makes them foolish.... You will be attracted to people that are the worst possible idea EVER. Just to avoid that inevitable lonelieness... Well in my case... its heading me straight to the bar and the dance floor tomorrow night... Me and my friend slinkster have plans to live it up tomorrow night.... Details coming soon.

Searching for a Muse...

So I am taking a creative writing class this semester... Good times??? Absolutely... Hard work??? Good God yes!!! But this is by far one of the most challenging endeavors I have ever faced. We are currently writing stories based on another classmates character, object and place sketches, how we use these is entirely up to us, but its remarkable the challenges placed when your not creating it from scratch.

In many ways this reminds me of life.

We are given so many constraints and expected to meet these challenges with a strong facade. I spoke with a friend today who's mom recently had a liver transplant after suffering through cirisasis. Her mom is unable to work and was receiving social security benefits. They cut her off and decided she is fine to work. Well fact of the matter is SHE ISN'T. So now this family is faced with the loss of income, the potential loss of her prescription coverage (which covers $2000 dollars worth of meds necessary for her survival).

What amazes me is this families strength. Instead of damning the world at large. Instead they bonded together to come to a solution while struggling through the red tape.

Its days like this that I am truly ashamed to be an American. I read on another blog last night about how our president is a direct reflection of who we are as a country. And its true. As Americans we are greed, and manipulative and lie to suit our needs.

From One Extreme to the Next

Girls... OH MY GOD! today has been filled with two extremes.

Girl A: she thinks there is nothing wrong with the way she treats me. Yet she demands my attention and never gives anything in return. She has no respect for my hopes or my dreams and will pop my balloon as quickly as she would snap her head to check out the first pretty girl walking by (regardless of what i am saying at that moment). She has a habit of backing herself into corners and trapping herself in lies. Not that she ever realizes she does this. And when i actually get fed up enough to voice my hurt. She says i have a short temper. Or I'm too sensitive. or I take things too personally... In other words... Its never ever her.... always me.

THEN THERES

Girl B: She has been my friend online for 3 years. She has been there through so many things with me. and suddenly the other night she tells me she has feelings for me and wants to see what would happen if we attempted to take it to the next level. She is the one that would sacrifice sleep just to hear my voice, talk to me for hours, the one that would order me chinese food from half across the country and always asks how I'm feeling. She is the one that would support me and adore me. That goes out and buys my perfume just so she can smell me when i am 400 miles away. She is the type of girl that makes girl A look bad... She is the type of girl that is stealing my heart...

And i'm ok with that

Home sweet Home

Today I have the flu. I feel gross. But thats life. So lately i've been forced to step back and REALLY examine my life and look at things and i cant help but LAUGH my ass off. I live with a 34 year old recently single Mom as her live in Nanny (seriously just a glorified babysitter).Her kid is a TOTAL riot and my total world. Its somehow we make up an odd sort of family. Add a cat that is smarter than your average furball, a bulldog that is determined to chew up the world and a little prissy pekaniegse and this is HOME SWEET HOME.

More later once i organize my thoughts.... Have a good night.