Just Some Rambling

Well I promised to fess up to which were past and present addictions and I added to yesterdays post below. Just a short entry today cause there is a lot going on around here... Stinky has a bad cold and has been home from school for the last two days and we are all getting ready to move on Monday.

I am super excited about the move. Not just cause we will have more space, and i will finally have my own room... (and its PURPLE!!!) but also because the neighborhood is super cute and it has a ton of personality...

So over the next few days its going to be nothing but insanity. Hope everyone has a great weekend...

this week... things i am or have been addicted to...

1- smoking Present
2- blog surfing Present
3- cutting (from 14-20)
4- meth (almost 3 years clean)
5- dawsons creek If i could be i would....
6- beef jerky ALWAYS
7- a girl named Megan not anymore
8- FTMs this is a weakness... and an addiction..
9- Energy drinks OH MY GOD YES
10- Having my photo taken I will admit it i am a photo whore
11- Diet Pills when i was 16 till about 18
12- Lip Gloss Love it...
13- Drag Kings total Drag Addict

Now I suppose the real question is which is past and which is current??? any guesses???? I'll post the answers tomorrow

THE CHART....

Well... I might not be Alice... But i was cruising Photo Bucket and found this... Now... I know this isn't the L word... (although sometimes my writers mannerisms mimick Jennies) and I know that Shane isnt gonna pop up and cut my hair anytime soon...

But reality is... I am pretty convinced I could pull a chart like this...

Ecspecially with Gay.com butch/femme chat room...

Somehow no matter what zip code... Every lesbian i meet is only 3 degrees away from someone i know in real time... Example... me to Sunshine (minus our prior meeting) can go in several manners....

a- My arch nemisis is the girl that is crushing on Sunshines EX
b- My Stalker (in chicago) is Sunshines ex's bestfriend
c- My summer adventure has knows Sunshines roommate for 7 years.

Now perhaps with that small example of connectivity its understandable why there is so much DRAMA in the lesbian community...

But the bright side...You will always know someone at the party

Screen names

Tina-cious had this up and i thouht i would steal the idea...

QUESTION: where did your screen name come from??

Like Tina i have had SEVERAL so we shall cover them all...

1- Melodie271- Hell if i know... i was in choir... i was 13 and my home room was 271....

2- AuroraKorn- This was my "nickname" from my sisters Poppy and Candy Korn

3- PrettyAsSinn- this was a line from a poem i wrote that i thought would make a awesome screen name....

4- PRESENTLY- Herjuliette22- I wanted something that would reflect my lesbianism subtly and my hopeless romantic nature as well as my prference for butch woman... thus.. this was it... also influenced by the indigo girls song romeo and Juliet...Juliette is my name in french

NEW TEMPLATE!

Be patient... there are like 3 glitches i need to work out....

1- i am missing my post titles!
2- i am missing my post list
3- i know i need to redesign my graphic for better quality...

all this coming in the next couple days...

but i was sooooo excited about getting this far i had to install it!!!

Good Morning...

So today just feels like one of those days with a fresh start... Its not even 10 am and i've already showered, done 2 loads of laundry, got stinky in the tub, and done a to do list for May... Feeling super productive...

Now I of all people know that i am not always the most productive. But now that i have a dayplanner i like i can start getting severly organized... beyond the level of reasonability... LOL

I've also been working on a new template for this blog... Its originally a Maystar design but i have done some revamping... And instead of hosting the existing image i designed my own header... I am super excited to get it up and once i figure out a few little things (teaching myself all of this) I will totally install it for you all... So keep your eyes open cause we got something Beautiful heading your way!

Too Much Drama....

Just a quick post cause i have to get some stuff done so i can get out of here... Last night was almost a total blast till Slinkster ended up so drunk he was puking and the princess had to get him home... I was good... Only a couple drinks and NO BLUE LIQUOR...

Today i am heading to a BBQ at my ex's best friends house cause she misses me... the friend that is... not the ex.

So anyhow...I'll blog more tomorrow...

Todays Thursday Thirteen... We are gonna play with the i pod... 13 random songs from shuffle... and why they are important to me...

1- Shawn Mullins, Lullaby: When I was 15 this cd came out and my brother had just been born. I liked the idea of the emo girl sitting in a bar, and someone telling her "everything will be alright". The idea that sad girls exist and don't just fade away.

2-Goo Goo Dolls, Slide: This cd never left my cd player my senior year... Ecspecially this song.. I thought it spoke everything i felt about my first girlfriend... "i wanna wake up where you are" ecspecially cause we went through a period where we were never together cause one of us was always in the hospital, sent off to relatives, or in foster care... "And I'll do anything you ever dreamed to be complete.... Oh hey put your arms around me what you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful."

3-Lindsey Lohan, Take Me Away- well sometimes I wanna just be an angry punkish girl... but i dont have the guts to go hardcore... Its fun pre-party music though...

4-Hole, Celebirty Skin- God i dont even know where to start with this song... I heard this the night i lost my virginity... the first time i used Meth... a million times at my favorite club performed by my favorite drag queen... This song... Best ever.... Cruising in the sunfire with my sister Bethy.... Trying to pretend we were cooler than the two kids from the suburbs should be.

5-Biff Naked, Stolen Sidewalks: When i was first diagnosed as bipolar... my life was at the point of laying in bed staring at the ceiling for hours listening to this song... Her voice is so angsty and the words were exactly what i needed to feel less alone...

6-Anna Nalick, Digame: Just so pretty... I love the way Anna Nalick romances words into lyrics....

7- Paul Simon, Mother and Child Reunion: How fitting for this song to be the one with this artist... I grew up listening to this music... I was raised by a single mom... who is somewhat of a hippie... and this is what i grew up dancing to around the house... Love for him is something my mom gave me... and i always remember what an incredible woman she is when i hear this...

8-Daddy Yankee, Culo: Reggaeton... Its the funnest to dance to and the latina women are stunning... I love the combination of the spanish dancing with the club dancing i've always known... Brings passion to the dance floor

9-Ja Rule and J lo, I'm Real: I don't know... I love to dance to it and sing with it... "and when i'm feeling sexxy who's gonna comfort me"

10-Jessica Andrews, Rosemary's Grand Daughter: I remember the first time i heard this song... I wasnt in to country just yet but all of a sudden there was this song about being just who i am... and loving it... and i embraced it... (and its fun to sing)

11-Jodee Messina, Burn: This song just inspires me... constant reminder to do whatever i choose... As long as i burn with passion for what i am doing... cause life is too short to not love every moment.

12-Brad Paisley, Little Moments: This song is a new addition... Darling played it for me the other night and since then it never ever fails to make me smile... and think about what a love like that would really be like..

13-Kid Rock, Follow Me- My J's song... I love that girl... This song... its all about friendship... and cruising in speedy....

Modge Podge Post.

So today has been a huge struggle trying to figure out what to blog about today. It has been suggested that I blog about adults owning stuffed animals. This does indeed crack me up... Cause I am guilty as well. My bed is covered with tons of girly pharaphenilia (hell I was just describing the chaos to Darling (formally known as sunshine) last night)... I currently sleep with a large carebear, a stuffed white elephant, a teddy bear, a build-a-bear, a pink stuffed stitch (from lilo and stitch) and a regular stitch that I have had since I first got sober. Not to mention my favorite pillow and my quilt from rehab.

Now why? I am 23 do I really need to sleep with all this silly stuff???? Well.. First I would like to say that I don't when I'm sleeping with someone... But the rest of the time I think its one of two options...

A) to convince myself I am not actually alone in bed... I mean really with all that crap its an easy mistake to make
OR
2) Cause they are all objects of emotional attachment and make me feel secure...

On another note... Today I was bombarded by "survivors" guilt... While chatting with friends I learned some of what is going on in my ex's life... And I feel guilty... Cause I'm doing great... Even with my struggles. Cause I have a girlfriend that adores me and isn't dating half of the FTMs in Chicago. Cause I have friends that adore and support me. Cause I am finally actually content with my life. Yet I don't understand why I feel guilty when for so long Chris wished me such ill will... I mean in reality perhaps this is just Karma coming into play.

tomorrow night there is a bar adventure set up with Slinkster... More Salsa Dancing... And hopefully less blue liquor... Its been awhile since I've been out so lets review the cast of characters (many which have never been mentioned here)

Slinkster- My favorite boy in the whole wide world... There is no one I would rather dance all night with! (other than Darling of course)

The leprechaun- He's not Irish but he is this little gay boy that is in LOVE with Slinkster... Which is hilarious cause Slinkster is straight

The Princess- cant keep track... One week Slinkster is in love with her and the next week he is singing songs about her being a hoe... Of course this could be a sign of vodka consumption either way.

The Gold Digger- This girl decides to sweet talk and flirt me up when ever she needs a drink... I find it hilarious... Yet never give in... I'm the one that does the flirting for drinks...

Tomorrow night should be interesting...

One last note... Check out my new blog... Put together with Darling.... Love Letters

My Heart...

Once upon a time... I always like to start stories like that... Well interesting enough... There is a new fairy tale... One that started four years ago... I know I have mentioned Sunshine... But everyday that passes Sunshine becomes something more and more important to me.

I know that there are people that will roll their eyes and make some comment about me and another girl... But sometimes you have to date a lot of people to find someone worth holding on to...

Sunshine, she makes me smile and laugh and its like this level of comfort... No nerves... Just comfortable... I don't make any promises at this point... I'm not gonna declare her "the one" just yet... But I know that I look forward to spending time with her and learning more and more.

Feeling Pretty...

First of all HAPPY EASTER... Just got home from Easter dinner with friends at Weber grill... Totally wonderful time... Sometimes I look at myself and find it slightly frightening that I am actually an adult... When I remember so clearly what it was like to be a silly teenager...

But as to the title... I was taking the El home... And there was this cute girl also waiting for the train... And I noticed her then went back to I pod land... Got on the train when it came... And was standing there waiting for my stop (which was only like 3 away) and I glance up and she flashes me this incredible smile... WOW... So at first I thought to myself... NO WAY. I look straight! She's just friendly... But then she got off the train... One stop before me. AND FLASHED ME A HUGE SMILE as she got off the train...

Now I know in reality I will never see this girl again... But it made me feel pretty... Very very pretty.

Sometimes it is the small moments that make life wonderful...

On that note... I'm off to do laundry and other unexciting stuff... Have a wonderful day and don't eat too many Jelly Beans.

Sometimes.... Well yeah... Enough said... Keep reading..

On the telephone line...

I haven't posted for a few days... Just haven't had anything really blog worthy... And I really don't still... And I think I'm ok with that cause it means that life has been calm. Just the usual day to day stuff...

Except the last couple days the phone has been ringing...

Pickles ex called me last night... I missed her... She has always been a wonderful friend and someone I value greatly and it was amazing talking to her again...

Today Casanova called.... Completely out of the blue... And just chattered away like we had talked every day... Threw me off... I didn't expect it... I wish she would decide... Is she gonna be around or not... Instead of just randomly popping up when I am finally ok with her not being here.

I have been talking to an old old friend lately... We shall call her Sunshine... Its amazing how a little bit of time can change two people... I don't know what will happen but I enjoy talking to her and I'm excited that she is moving closer soon...

Anyhow... That's really about it... Nothing too exciting lately...

I live in a shoebox of a world

so... I live in a world the size of a shoe box... My ex's "girlfriend" dated my former fuck buddy... I'm just wondering if she was planning on persuing everyone i've been involved with in chicago... cause if that is the case... I can make her a list... However... If she touches Casanova i might be forced to strangle her.... She only gets the crazzzzzzy ones...

On another note... An old friend came back into my life a few days ago... and well... old habits die hard... Soon she will be living only 3 hours away... this makes me smile...

TODAY! OMG! I almost forgot... I BOUGHT A SWIMSUIT.... and its amazing... and it only cost me 6.99....
and the best part is i did not have to go through the torturous ritual of trying on swimsuits only to reject each one and lower my self esteem again and again... I went into the store to try on one that i saw online and while they did not have that one... they did have this one (ok so its just the top but hell thats what i needed) and it ws last seasons... so it ws marked down from 44.50 to 6.99... Super amazing...

not much to say....

its all swimming around in my head... and i dont know if i want to share...

Casanova... there isnt anything left to say...

Minnesota... Chicago... Its just been life... Somehow even the amusing things dont seem to have much merit...

I do however have a new blog.... Hidden Dreams its pretty simple its just a collection of my writing... though i am still collecting samples.... check it out... you might enjoy it...

Waiting to be attacked...

My frustration with internet communities is mounting higher and higher everyday.... In the last 2 days that I have been home despite dealing with having laryngitis and the stomach flu... There has been "blog drama" I HOWEVER WILL BE AN ADULT AND NOT GO THROWING OUT SITE NAMES OR E-MAIL ADRESSES...

What does it matter if someone checks out someone's blog???? What does it matter if they have mutual friends???? AND WHY DID MY EX"S NEW GIRLFRIEND SUBSCRIBE TO MY MYSPACE BLOG?!?!?!?! (not that I ever blog there now that I have this but really people???)

I posted a blog on myspace... Basically saying... Bad attempt at being a web stalker.... Try reading the right blog... And then I posted this address...

I have barely "talked" to Casanova since I have been home... Perhaps the season for this moment is over... Perhaps we are both just busy... I don't know and I don't want to think about it cause then I get cranky... And I don't like being cranky... Well... Now I have said enough....

Special Shout out to Chris's new girl if your reading this... Thank you for keeping him the hell away from me!
(also new girl.... Could you leave a comment and tell me WHY you are reading my blogs??? I'm curious as hell!)

No Place Like Home

So I'm back. Didja miss me???? Apparently Stinky and Casanova missed me. And now its Minnesota's turn to miss me. This was by far the best trip home in a long time... I got to see a lot of people I haven't seen in a long time... (including my middle school bully who's girlfriend is flipping HOT). Things went ok with my family... And the worst I can say about the trip is that I got a cold and developed laryngitis... Yup... I have no voice...
Highlights of the trip....
As Always.... THE AMERICAN.... All my favorite home town people in one place... Screaming to the I POD with J on the way home... Laughing with Candy all night... Although... For future reference to all the MN crew--- FRIENDS DONT LET FRIENDS DIAL DRUNK! especially not after being at the American for 3 hours!

New Friends: I had the wonderful joy of meeting a couple new people at least one of which will become a wonderful friend (I dub her... Twinkle). Twinkle is one of my best friends (J) new girlfriend. And I have to say after knowing her for almost 7 years now I have never ever ever seen her this happy and positive and wonderful.

I think the best part about being home was ultimately just being there... Sitting around the kitchen table... Rolling in the blazer... Cuddling with my sister and her fat cat Scooter... The same old bars... The same old faces. I missed them. I know that without a doubt Chicago is my home... But so is Minneapolis. The funny thing about this trip is a lot more of it was spent just sitting around and doing nothing. And I loved it. it was nice. I only accomplished 8 of the 13 on my Thursday thirteen... But it was a wonderful trip...

However... Not everything is meant to go smoothly! As I said before I did get a bad cold and spent part of my trip curled up on the couch watching bad movies and cuddling with a box of tissues... I also "broke" my cell phone (the mic went out) so now I have my dad's old cell phone (model is about a year and a half old) but... It works... When I get the pictures e-mailed to me from J I will post them here... Till then...