I Am Autism

"Hello. Allow me to introduce myself to you. My name is Autism. Perhaps you know me or know of me. I am a condition, a "disorder" that affects many people. I strike at will, when and where I want. Unlike Downs Syndrome or other birth "defects," I leave no marks on those I strike. In fact, I pride myself on the ability to infiltrate a childs life, while leaving him or her strikingly handsome. Many people may not even know that I am there. They blame the child for what I cause him or her to do. I am Autism and I do as I please.



I am Autism. I strike boys and girls, infants and toddlers. I find my best victims to be boys around the age of 2, but any child will do. I like children and they are always the true victims, though I take hostage the others in the child's family as well. It is a bit like getting two for the price of one. I affect one child and infect the entire family.



I am Autism. I strike rich and poor alike. The rich combat me with education and therapy. The poor shut their children away and cannot afford to fight me. I am able to win in the lives of poor children more than I am of the wealthy, but I will try to take root anywhere.



I am Autism. I am an equal oppportunity disorder. I like whites, blacks, Mexicans, Ukrainians, Russians, Poles, Slavs, Jappanese, Koreans and Fins. In fact, I strike everywhere on earth. I know no goegraphical bounds.



I am Autism. I do not discriminate based upon religon either. I strike Jews and Christians, Muslims and Buddhists, Atheists and Agnostics, Hindus and Rastafarians. I do not care what religon a person is or what beliefs he may hold. When I strike, there will be little time for any of that anyway. When they find me, they will question everything the believe in, so why would I strike any one group? I have affected followers of every religion on the planet.



I am Autism and I am strong and getting stronger every year, every month, every day, every minute, and every second. I am concerned that money might be alloted to combat me and my takover of children, but so far I have little to fear. Some countries, like Kuwait, are spending quite a bit of money to assist those who I have targeted and some, like the United States, would rather spend money on such ludicrous things as discovering the number of American Indians who practice voodoo, as opposed to combating me. In an atmosphere as that, I can flourish and wreck havoc at will. In places such as that, I rub my hands with glee at the problem I can cause to children, families and to the society at large.



I am Autism. When I come, I come to stay. I take the dreams and hopes of every parent and trample them with glee. I see the fear and confusion in the eyes of my victims and I see the formation of wrinkles, worries and ulcers and the pain on the face of their parents. I see the embarrassment their child causes because of me and the parents unsuccessfull attempt to hide their child and, me. I see tears and the parents cry and feel the tears of their child.



I am Autism. I leave sorrow in my wake. I am Autism. I taketh and give nothing but bewilderment and loathing in return. I take speech and learning, I take socialization and understanding. I take away "common sense" and if I am allowed to flourish, I take away all but their physical life. What I leave behind, is almost worse than death.



I am Autism. I fear nothing except courage, which I thankfully see little of. I fear those who take a stand against me and attempt to fight me and bring others into the fight as well. I fear those who try to make it safe and easier for my victims in the community, and their families. I fear those who push ahead, despite the fact that I am in tow. I fear the day that I will be eradicated from the planet. Yet, I do not fear too much right now. There is no need.



I am Autism and I bet you know me or know of me. If you don't, you probably will soon. I am marching forward faster than I ever have before. I am looking for new children all the time. I dread the day I will be looked on with pity, or worse yet, understanding, for that day, is the day I will begin to die. But, I don't think that will happen for a long long time though, do you? In the meantime, I prowl onward, looking to cause pain and suffering wherever I go. I have so much work to do and thankfully, no one is stopping me.



Hello my name is Austim. Perhaps you know me or know of me.................................

written by: Marty Murphy

Marty Murphy is an adult with Autism Spectrum Disorder who was born and raised in central Illinois.

With her personal insite and presentations on autism across Illinois, Marty has made a tremendous impact on how parent, teachers and administrators look at our children's

Human Torture On Youtube

This might be the MOST annoying thing I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!!!! I would rather be locked in a closet for three weeks with "tyrone" and a bag of pixie stix than EVER have a 3 minute conversation with this person....
I found her when I was looking for clips on the pregnant man... and then I couldn't stop watching... its like poking a bruise... You have to keep doing it to see if it will be as bad as the last time.... WOW...



PS for someone that doesn't watch the L word... she knows an awful lot...

This month is autism awareness month... I'm oddly excited. Or perhaps not so oddly as this is what is closest to my heart.

There are so many awesome things going on.

Heres a couple of my favs

CNN

The Autism Portrait

In My Language

The Night Of Too Many Stars

The Femmes prevail in the end...

tonight I can't sleep. My tonsils are swollen and even the vicodin isn't knocking me out. So i've been up thinking... And browsing through friends myspace pages.

It amazes me... Looking back on all my butch friends... they were all hard core boi lovers, much like myself when we were younger and now they are all happier than ever... with femmes...

even my darling K... used to be a bois boi... but now all mine.

K posted a blog yesterday coming out at trans... I knew this was coming for a long time. yet I still have fears as to what will happen... Its where everything went so horribly wrong with me and asshole. I know that K is far from the man asshole was attempting to be... But I also know how T can wreak havok on the moods....

Tonight has just been one of those nights where so much runs through my head. Thinking about where i was 2 years ago.... 4 years ago.... 5 years ago... Never would I have thought I would be here now... I watched K sleep tonight and I was so shamelessly in love. and to think that 2 years ago someone accused me of running away to play house with K and predicted it would last a month... Yet instead we built a life together. We've made it through the good and the bad.

I've built a career. I've gotten my degree. I've come so far...

shit... I own practical proffessional shoes and have an entire office wardrobe... there are moments in all this that i barely recognize the person I become. and then sadly in the same moment I don't think that is such a bad thing. I realize how lost and lonely I was.

Funny how the dark of night can bring this all out...

Please Be Patient.

So its been a long time since I wrote here on a regular basis. And while my life has changed, (almost totally for the better) I believe I still have a story to tell...

So be patient as I start giving this space a new look and getting back into the habit of writing.

Perhaps tommorrow I'll reintroduce myself.

Coming to a Club near you!

SO its begun. We are gonna be performing regularly starting on the 9th in brainerd MN for diversity night at inferno. I'm super excited its nice to put aside the serious side and have some fun once inawhile.

Center stage....

well i guess the party girl didn't die totally...

or at least the drama queen is alive and well... I will be performing at Minneapolis Pride as a go-go girl....

I'm scared as hell its been 4+ years since I've done this and never solo... always with someone else... But here it goes...

I got two spots... so i need two songs... so far i got Avril Lavigne's girlfriend... anyone else got any idea's?????

Good morning... Not really.

This is what i got to wake up to this morning. My neighbors house burning down... Thankfully it wasnt my house. but when you live in a trailer park all it takes is one spark for tragedy to hit.

we were woken up this morning, either by someone banging or windows exploding. in hindsight i'm no longer sure. Shortly after the propane tank on their grill exploded and a tree caught fire... A really big pine tree. by then sparks were flying everywhere and the back lawn had caught on fire. This is the house that is almost directly behind ours. My dad was out there hosing everything down so nothing would catch on our house.

thank god our house is still standing... again. This is the second fire on our block in 2007. and its only april. Its made me realize how fragile our life is, how fragile stability can be... One spark and it can be all gone. Home, pictures, memories, security.... everything. and truthfully i dont know what my family would do if something like this happened to us.

I wish i could write more or say something profound... but i'm just so shocked, so scared, so overwhelmed...

Language...

I am a person with an autism spectrum disorder...

The important part of that is that i am a PERSON. I work very hard to advocate for the rights of people with disabilities, including myself. In the last 9 months i have had the priveledge to speak with my state senator and his staff as well as my representatives staff. I have been able to share my story and hopes for equality with congressmens offices and county commissioners. I have done work towards promoting the education of first responders regarding best practice methods for working with individuals with autism. I have been lucky enough to hear dozens of the countries leading experts on disability rights.

and i have yet to meet one individual that does not prefer person first language when describing themselves or their child.

what alarms me in all this is that i have recently encountered another blog. Autism Diva that has no respect for this concept. I do acknowledge that people first language is a choice. but when i commented on her blog about her use of reffering to the community as a whole as "autistic people" I was called overly sensitive. as well as presumptious, for presuming that disabled people care. Well i am a disabled person and i care.

on a group i am a member of the main title is "for people suffering from aspergers syndrome"... again here we are with the language. I am not suffering. There are days that are harder than others, and there are days that i drive my partner nuts simply being me. But this is all part of who i am.

Some refer to people first language as cumbersome and unneccasary, but i differ. If we want to be seen as people same as others we need to adjust how we allow ourselves to be labeled.

Language is a tricky thing. We speak freely and often but how much of the time do we think about what we are saying and how it sets a precident for how people view us or our situation.

today i challenge you to think before you speak... how does what you say set a precident?

Playing favorites...

This is my beautiful neice Lavender... and thats why i'm writing today because i'm annoyed beyond beliefe... My estranged other sister has decided she is the favorite auntie and has started sending me vicious e-mails calling me a druggy and a drunk and a dike... yes a DIKE.... lol nice to know i'm a water feature... i prefer that to being called a dyke by some ignorant welfare queen. It pisses me off though cause i've worked so hard to be clean (3 1/2 years now) and i dont drink a lot (hell i'm still working on the 6 pack from st.patricks day)

I'm annoyed by all of this cause i believe that every aunt has the right to believe they are the favorite... and i'm sorry that i dont have more time to spend with my niece and nephew but lets me realistic, i have a demanding job and i go to school full time. But i see them every chance i get. Fact of the matter is what i am doing the rest of the time is building a life for myself... being a positive role model.

My nephew Tyreal has a disability and i spend a lot of my spare time lobbying for disability rights and funding. This is in part because of him but also because both my brother and I have autism spectrum disorders. But in the long run i think the impact i have on disability related legislation will have a much greater impact on my nephews life and well being than an afternoon watching sponge bob...

I guess the gist of this is that i hate ignorant people...

Dear Mr. President...

With everything going on in the political climate right now it really struck me hard to hear this song the other day on the L-word. and to think about what i would like to tell my president if he would take a walk with me. I would like to tell him what its like to try to support yourself on minimum wage with a disability, what its like to live check to check 6 people crammed in a tiny trailer to make sure that my brother and sister are provided for and that there is always someone to watch my brother cause we cant afford to pay for childcare for a child with special needs. Tell him about how my parents jobs are always at risk cause they work in fields supported by human services federal and state funding, how his bombs and his war put my family at risk of losing everything. I want to tell him what its like to be married, with out any protection or benefits, what its like to e discriminated against for being in love. and i'll tell him what it was like for stinky to be 6 with his dad far away in iraq. what its like to watch a child grow up with out his father. and thats just the tip.

I have so much respect for Pink for putting this song out there. Its wonderful to see a mainstream artist putting out such a contreversial piece.

Let me pose this question... what would you tell our president...

"Dear Mr. President"

Dear Mr. President,

Come take a walk with me.

Let's pretend we're just two people and

You're not better than me.

I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly.

What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street?

Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep?

What do you feel when you look in the mirror?

Are you proud?

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?

How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?

How do you walk with your head held high?

Can you even look me in the

tell me why?

Dear Mr. President,

Were you a lonely boy?

Are you a lonely boy?

Are you a lonely boy?

How can you say No child is left behind?

We're not dumb and we're not blind.

They're all sitting in your cells

While you pave the road to hell.

What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away?

And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay?

I can only imagine what the first lady has to say

You've come a long way from whiskey and cocaine.

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?

How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?

How do you walk with your head held high?

Can you even look me in the eye?

Let me tell you 'bout hard work

Minimum wage with a baby on the way

Let me tell you 'bout hard work

Rebuilding your house after the bombs took them away

Let me tell you 'bout hard work

Building a bed out of a cardboard box

Let me tell you 'bout hard work

Hard work

Hard work

You don't know nothing 'bout hard work

Hard work

Hard work

Oh How do you sleep at night?

How do you walk with your head held high?

Dear Mr. President,

You'd never take a walk with me.

Would you?

Oh! and happy easter... hope the bunny was good to you... or your at least getting some deviled eggs and egg salad out of the whole deal!

An odd goodbye...

So the day before Valentines day my neighbors trailer caught on fire making it inhabitable... It was a scary night cause in a trailer park fire spreads like Herpes in a highschool. Well anyhow today was the day they had to tear down the trailer. It was really sad for me to watch the walls come down and see it gutted.

Partly cause i feel for what my neighbor lost. but also because i spent a large part of my youth there. I drank with the original neighbors when i was 18 and they were my age, Their girlfriends used to give me dating advice and do my hair. I had my last guy crush in those walls. I remember watching the neighbors and thinking they were so grown up and wanting to be like them. and now i'm their age. and the trailer is coming down.

Friends started families there, nights of laughter took place, many tears were shed. And now it is a skeleton of what once was. I know that the real value is in the moments and memories and not the actual structure, but it will be weird to look out the window and not see the deck i sat on and cried when my first serious girlfriend broke my heart, when another trailer goes up it will be odd knowing that Mike, Holly, John, Dean or Keitha never lived there...

mostly its unsettling to realize how fleeting everything is... How precious the moment really is.

Lord help Charter communications

So we got the internet and cable... Its been a long 3days but i think everything is where it should be... 5 technicians (well 4 but 2 visits from one) and a free month later...

We had nothing but problems getting to this point...

heres the break down...

Day 1
* the modem was installed in the wrong room
* the cable in the bedroom wasnt split to accomodate net access
* they didnt leave a remote for the second cable box (WHAT THE HELL WHO DOES THAT!)
* my LAPTOP was left on the floor by the technicians
* the whole damn thing took 5 and a half freaking hours!
* Showtime on demand refused to work (read: NO SHANE!)

Day 2
* they send another technician out TO FIX OUR INTERNET that wasnt broken
* Still didnt get a remote
* Showtime on demand STILL doesnt work
* spent 2 hours on the phone after the internet crashed and i couldnt watch the L word. I was transferred 11teen times including the the disconnect dept.... I was like DONT TEMPT me Bitch

Day 3
*one more technician...
* an ANGRY call to corporate...
* FINALLY got a remote and a month free...

I dont understand how hard this was gonna be I mean really... a trained monkey could do this... but apparently not a trained contractor... anyhow... On that note I'm gonna go watch the L word on demand... *crosses fingers* PRAY FOR ME

Back on the horse

where to begin. I finally got the internet at home so perhaps i can now begin to blog about the most mundane crap again.

It was a long day at work today puncuated by crazyness. A family came into the studio today with the sweetest 9 month old baby. he was the size of an 18 month old. and laughed and giggled at everyone.

I'm fueding with the bank yet again. I'm so devastated. It felt like we were finally getting ahead and then boom a pile of overdrafts that i swear up and down shouldnt be here. and of course K cant find he reciept to prove that the money should be there. I dont know what to do.

I cant believe that me and k have been together for 11 months. its been a rollercoaster ride. but wow we really have made it. I remember the last time i was in this place, with Chris like 2 years ago. so much has changed and i think about the places i have been and he experiences i have had. It seems so unreal. I dont even know where i would begin to tell the story.

but thats all for now... more to follow...

Watching Angels.

So this last week we headed back to Iowa to see K's family. WOW! thats a hell of a lot of people and a hell of a lot of kids. but what a blessing. While we were there K's sister went into labor and we got to be a part of the birth... what a miracle watching this tiny precious baby turn from tummy into a beautiful angel.

on that note... things are going great for me and K. we have been talking a lot more about the future and what we can do to make sure we have the strongest foundation possible. the trip was really good at bringing us closer together.

Mostly though its been a lot of the same old stuff... work and school....

The Chart...

So the L word creators are introducing a new online facet... "the chart" coming soon to www.ourchart.com. The question is, how much of this will end up spurning more lesbian drama... and how many bar fights will break out due to one little website... Hmmmmm.... we shall see...

Don't forget to add yourself... Hell this might be the best way to hook up with that one night stand that was as good in bed as "Papi"....

NEW SEASON!!!!

So tonight was the premeire of the fourth season of the L word... What the fuck.... The whole show was essentially Shane (super fucking hottness) walking around drunk and strung out on coke...

Why the hell do lesbians have to be so fucked up... In reality thats not how we actually all are... Well yes the chart applies applicably across the board and every community has at their Shanes & Papi's, we also have our extras that never make the major waves...

My life would never merit a script anywhere near comparable to the L word... Hell me and my friends spent the night at home counting down to this premiere making dinner and cuddling kitty cats... Searching craigslist for new apartments (found a great lead with only one catch... no cooking meat at the house).

At one point I believed that my life needed to be of showtime quality to validate my lesbianness but now i realize otherwise and i am ecstatic...

On other fronts things are getting complicated at work... I had a sitting today that is pretty much the 2007 version of the brady bunch crossed with the osbournes... it gave birth to photographic genius... However theres tension abound at work with conflicts regarding hours and whether or not expectations of sales averages are realistic. Theres a higher up position in my studio that might be about to open up and i'm thinking that perhaps i should go after it... While it will be a lot more time and require me to cut back school to part time. It might be an amazing oppourtunity, hell i would make more a year than my formal employer with out a college degree. I have the experience and i have the vision of what the studio could be under the right guidance and operation...

On that note i'll be off to dress my favorite fat cat in a pink polo shirt... oddly enough i am amused and satisfied that this is NOW my life...

It's been awhile...

Wow its been awhile since I've actually blogged... Its been crazzy busy with christmas rush at work and finals at school... But the good news is that I aced my classes and i'm officially core staff at work... and I've been dubbed the official rockstar of the studio with my kickass sales average and stellar photography... (a girl can't always be modest can she?)...

So Christmas has come and gone and it amazes me how much everything has changed. I'm so far away from where i was a year ago and i dont just mean miles. Coming home is one of the greatest things I have done. I've become super close with my sister, found one of the best friends i could ever have, started my life with K.... and finally become the person i gave lipservice to all these years.

But I still miss Chicago... I was in hallmark the other day and saw the card i gave stinky last year for valentines day... I miss the hell out of stinky and feel like i lost one of the best parts of my life... But i also know that i couldn't keep living my life for someone elses child.

I also miss Slinkster... And the crazzzzzzzzzzzzy nights out on the town... the gay boys and blue liquor... but at the same time theres something to be said for my quiet calm life... I like renting movies and spending quiet nights at home... playing board games with friends and drinking diet coke at perkins.

It proves that different isn't always better... sometimes its just different... And i can't say i'm always happy, but i am content and on the right path for happy ever after. And living with bipolar that is just gonna have to be good enough...

Its crazy cause this blog was started with the idea of documenting all the crazy events i found myself in day to day... but now lifes not so crazzy... believe me there are still moments that i think to myself "what the fuck" but its not as insane as it used to be and i'm ok with that...

soundtrack...

Your Life: The Soundtrack
Opening credits:	Acoustic #3- goo goo dolls/ semi charmed kinda life-
Waking up:	little plastic castles- Ani difranco
Average day:	Something More- Sugar land
First date:	Laid- James
Falling in love:	Digame- Anna Nalick/ the promise- tracy chapman
Love scene:	Both Hands - Ani Difranco
Fight scene:	Toxicity- System of a down
Breaking up:	I miss you (aucoustic)- incubus/ Beloved Wife Natalie merchant
Getting back together:	Bring it on home- (?)
Secret love:	the weakness in me- joan armatrading/ Lips of an Angel- Hinder
Life's okay:	Seasons of Love- Rent
Mental breakdown:	Stolen Sidewalks- Biff Naked
Driving:	Wide Open Spaces- Dixie Chicks
Learning a lesson:	Dont Stop Believing- Journey
Deep thought:	Never saw Blue like that- Shawn Colvin
Flashback:	God Bless the Broken road- Rascal flatts
Partying:	God is a DJ- Pink/ because of you- kelly clarkson
Happy dance:	Remix of Sweet Caroline
Regreting:	Bring on the Rain- Jodee Messina
Long night alone:	Strong enough by sheryl crowe
Death scene:	heres to the night by eve six
Closing credits:	100 years- five for fighting
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