The Femmes prevail in the end...

tonight I can't sleep. My tonsils are swollen and even the vicodin isn't knocking me out. So i've been up thinking... And browsing through friends myspace pages.

It amazes me... Looking back on all my butch friends... they were all hard core boi lovers, much like myself when we were younger and now they are all happier than ever... with femmes...

even my darling K... used to be a bois boi... but now all mine.

K posted a blog yesterday coming out at trans... I knew this was coming for a long time. yet I still have fears as to what will happen... Its where everything went so horribly wrong with me and asshole. I know that K is far from the man asshole was attempting to be... But I also know how T can wreak havok on the moods....

Tonight has just been one of those nights where so much runs through my head. Thinking about where i was 2 years ago.... 4 years ago.... 5 years ago... Never would I have thought I would be here now... I watched K sleep tonight and I was so shamelessly in love. and to think that 2 years ago someone accused me of running away to play house with K and predicted it would last a month... Yet instead we built a life together. We've made it through the good and the bad.

I've built a career. I've gotten my degree. I've come so far...

shit... I own practical proffessional shoes and have an entire office wardrobe... there are moments in all this that i barely recognize the person I become. and then sadly in the same moment I don't think that is such a bad thing. I realize how lost and lonely I was.

Funny how the dark of night can bring this all out...