What do I say???

As I write this I am sitting on the phone with Casanova... She is watching porn... I have spent the day at the state ID place waiting to get my address changed... Ummmm its hard to write about anything of consequence right now... Not to mention there isn't much to write about...

Lately Casanova and I have begun to actually talk rather than just text message all day... She makes me laugh... I wish I knew what to say about this... I wish I had some sort of enlightenment but for now I am just enjoying her for all she is...

On another note... I have a date tonight with Giggles...

I feel like I shouldn't be thinking about these two girls in the way that I do... But I do... Fact is I am 23.. I'm young... Why do I feel the pressure to rush into something and settle down with just one person...

Casanova and Giggles are two totally different people... And they both make me laugh and smile. I don't know....

Any thoughts....

Casanova

When twilight merely remains.
and amber eyes glisten
like secrets in the shadows.
I'll be your ommission.
a lover at midnight
security come dawn
but simply me in the light.

Destiny???

So yesterday I posted on Craigslist in the women seeking women section... It was a piece of prose I had written about all the women that have hurt me (read it here)... I was shocked that I actually received responses! More specifically a response from this one girl who we are gonna call Giggles... See I had been talking to Giggles this summer around the same time I met Pickle... And Giggles and I always had the most profound conversations... But lets just say she's not very good at keeping in touch... So last night... We talked... And soon we are gonna go off on an adventure... To read used books, smoke too many cigarettes and muse about life over beer... Damn she is something else... I wonder if she knows I have a crush on her... LOL

So on another note... I was supposed to get together with Casanova last night but she got busy... She seems actually sorry today... But I'm a little weary... I know I should not be getting emotionally attached to this girl...

On a much more intellectual and non hormonal note... I read "The Coldest Winter Ever" yesterday... (yes yesterday I read the 500 page book cover to cover). Its this awe inspiring ghetto novel... Yeah I know.... Your thinking... Ummmmm why is she reading a ghetto novel... Well it mostly stems back to Casanova and her teacher recommending it and me wanting to check it out and getting sucked into the first 3 pages on Amazon.... But I must say... Powerful read.... Check it out if your in the mood for something different...

Monkey is To Artist As I am To Writer....

Black and Magenta scrape across the empty canvas, in violent and mindless patterns. The chimpanzee sits by chewing on the paint brush and smiling an oblivious magenta grin.

This is not art.Or is it.

A young girl babbles along the keys of her computer trying to make sense of the emotions that run rampant in her mind. She sits in the glow of the screen tears staining her cheeks with a mournful expression.

This is not writing.Or is it.

Author Robert Coles has long pondered the question, "or is it", by questioning the ideal of human actuality. Coles presents the notion that every moment and idea appears differently to different individuals based on experiences and feelings.Subsequently who is to say that what the chimpanzee creates is not art? Who are we to decide what is art in the first place.In pondering this thought, I asked a friend "what keeps a chimp with a paintbrush from being an artist?" her answer was quick and concise and simple. "he does not know that he is creating art". This posed an entirely new question? How do we know he does not know he is creating art? How do we know what he is thinking or feeling? How do we define art, and is this definition the right one? How do we know what is RIGHT?

Perhaps were we to stop looking so deeply for answers we would see that sometimes its the questions that teach us more. That perhaps that silly chimp chewing on a paintbrush does know more than us. He knows to just accept the color for what it is. To create with out trying to define.

Some Kind of Wonderful.

Today was a wonderful day... Here's why...

1) The girl... I don't know. But I think she might like me *silly grin* been text messaging all day... We shall see... I would love to rhapsodize about her... Tell you how beautiful she is and how I feel so comfortable with her... But at the same time I want to hold all the thoughts of her close to me, so as not to tempt fate. So as to not have to share her.

2) Subway. I had an amazing subway sandwich for lunch... With a Tab energy drink.

3) Babysat for 4 hours... Kid slept 3 and a half of them... Easy cash. Not to mention he is SUPER cute!

4) Myopic Books I seriously spent like 3 hours in the used book store... At least two of them curled up on a seventies couch with a cat names Lenny reading about the holocaust and correction officers and a forty four year old crack addict... While text messaging with the amazing girl... Something magical about curling up with all those books and an endless possibility of what you can read about... I think I found my new heaven. OH! And I bought an old favorite from highschool today for $3.50!

5) I'm gonna go take a bath right now! With candles and lavender bath salts!

She Loves Me.... She Loves Me Not???

A text message conversation:
*Tell me a secret?
*I got a crush on someone.
*who?
*Uh uh thats another secret!
*No tell me!
*NO
*Y?
* Like you don't already know!
*is it me?
*I'm ignoring that last message.
*Y?
*Come on! Can you tell me you don't honestly know?
* yes. I don't know
* LIAR. LIAR. LIAR.
*why u calling me a liar?
* ARGH! its u.

Not verbatim... But close... Girls! ARGH! I feel like i'm in middle school... CIRCLE YES OR NO! so then i started thinking about why i like her (that and she asked). And i came to the conclusion that it isnt the physical stuff... Its the respect. and the comfort level. and that she listens to me when i talk. though those amazing eyes and soft skin help matters out. Really what i adore is her. Hmmm she loves me.... she loves me not. only time will tell....

One Fish, Two Fish. Green fish, Go Fish.

Well its been a few days since I posted but I've been super busy. Saturday was filled with family antics and Sunday with the South Side Irish parade. P made certain that me and Stinky were decked out in true Irish pride... The result... Stinky the lepropimp... I don't know what else to say about it... It was as always a wonderful time.

Last night I had a "date". And for the first time I realized that I am not as unjudgemental as I would like to believe. I still don't know if I am more bothered by the fact that I am guilty of this, or because I judged someone who didn't deserve it, who is in fact a remarkable person. Now I just need to sort through everything going on in my head and develop a plan of action.

So tonight. Family time. We are playing go fish.
P: Hey Stinky... You should hit me up for a seven.
*SMACK*
I cant remember the last time I laughed that hard at go fish...

So today I bought a beautiful amber ring. It was a $80 ring on super clearance... And totally stunning. But not my size so I took it to be sized. I met this amazing artist with a small jewelry repair studio. We talked and talked about jewelry, what it says about people, quality, the actual actions of making jewelry. It was nice.

I chose amber for a reason... It started out as simple tree sap... And time has made it into something precious... Time. Hopefully this ring can serve as a reminder that I just need to sit back and let time work its magic. One day at a time. No more rushing to make things happen.