WOW!

So this week i got a job... I am now officially a childrens photographer again... I filled out the application thursday, interviewed friday and started saturday.with in 10 minutes i was getting smiles, within an hour i was posing and within 3 hours i had the camera in my hands and was good to go... End of the day my manager pulled me off for paperwork and looked at me and said "I'm not paying you enough, your amazing" and there was my first raise on my first day.

But truthfully its not about the money... its about how much i love doing this. how great it feels to be in the camera room with the lights flashing. to be posing people and making memories... I forgot how much i loved this job... and how good i am at it.

K also found a new job friday and she is working on a political campaign for a group of canidates i support 10000%. although she does have an interview for a better paying job at the same mall i work at tomorrow. It would make life a hell of a lot simpler if we both worked at the same place... but all and all things are really shaping up right now.

Schools also going great... I had my counseling skills review today and i passed with flying colors...only 7 more weeks left of the semester!

mid terms

so mid terms have come and past and so far i'm batting 100% for the semester!

I'm stoked... this semester has been a lot of challenges but i seem to be doing ok...

I made my tape for counseling skills last week and i did better than i thought i would... i get the teacher review today...

I started volunteering for the disability linkage line last week, it was actually pretty cool. My first day on the job i started researching resources to add to the database...

I still have one more mid term paper to turn in but it is a no brainer...

I was thinking about my life recently and how someone once told me i would never better myself cause i dont want it.... (got to thinking about this when it came to the discussion of generational vs situational poverty and how my family ended up where we are because of a situation)... what i came to about this is that this person has no room to judge... I am going somewhere with my life... one small step at a time, but it sure beats backsliding. I fight everyday against a disability and work through the anxiety and depressive symptoms. I am happy to look in the mirror every day and satisfied with the life i am building...

so maybe for now i am at the bottom of the barrell as far as money and possesions go... those things dont matter anyhow... what i do have is the ability to forgive, an education underway, a loving partner and family, amazing friends, and my needs met. I am satisfied with life... sure it would be nice to make more money and have more things... but in the end i will get it all...

most importantly... I have people that believe in me.

Update.... and the 5 people you meet in heaven

I recently reread the 5 people you meet in heaven and then was asked by my cousin about forgotten memories... so i thought about 5 people i have lost that i would like to meet in heaven...

in no particular order....

1- my REAL dad... i just wanna know why he was never around...
2- my first girlfriend... to talk about how she changed my life
3- my grandmother... to tell her how much her love meant to me
4- Stinky... I miss that kid so much... its hard to comprehend loving someone so completely.
5-My highschool mentor... to show him how his influence shaped everything.

So this last weekend i went to Partners in Policy making again and i'm still totally loving it... I was told by someone that being around me has two effects either gives them energy or exhausts them lol...

Today is kaiden and me's 6 month anniversery... WOW.... we havent really done much cause i've had midterms all week and i'm battling the flu... but sometimes the nice quiet at home time is wonderful. Recently we have been playing animal crossing for nintendo game cube together which in some ways seems completely pointless cause its all about making money and buysing things like a bigger house or clothes or furniture...and you make money by catching bugs or digging up fossils or running errands for people... It makes me laugh that a game has captured so much of my attention recently.


Just some thougts hope you all have a good day.

So lately things here have been going good... I've been working hard in school and doing great... but there are still things that haunt me. I heard this song the other night and it brought back a flood of emotions... But its ok... It shouldn't matter.... SHE is gone now. it was only for a moment that she was a part of my life... But damn it if i can't forget her. and hell if i would want to. I dont know how to make sense of things that happened but sometimes, well sometimes you just need to miss someone... I just hope she misses me too sometimes.

What Hurts The Most
I can take the rain
On the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then
And I just let ‘em out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though goin’ on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again
I pretend I’m okay
But that’s not what gets me
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin’ so much to say
And watchin’ you walk away
And never knowin’
What could’ve been
And not seein’ that lovin’ you
Is what I was tryin’ to do
It’s hard to deal with the pain
Of losin’ you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ it
It’s hard to force that smile
When I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still harder gettin’ up, gettin’ dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it overI would trade, give away
All the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
Not seein’ that lovin’ you
That’s what I was trying to do

So I've been thinking.....

so i had my systems change and intervention class today and we got to talking about school violence, and of course what happened at columbine came up. I know I'm not an expert and that i'm not always right but it did sadden me to hear so much blame cast about... blaming everyone but the students... Its the parents fault... its the teachers fault... its the laws fault cause we can't use capital punishment in our schools... its the internets fault cause thats how they found out how to make a bomb....

What about student judgements???
What about peer pressure???
What about peer osterasization???

I was a senior in highschool when Columbine happened... and i remember how deeply i was touched. I remember looking around my own school and seeing the segregation and judgement and realizing that it could happen there...

Sometimes i think that when we speak of change... first we must look at our own attitudes.

Lola!

So this weekend me and K finally bought a car... Mind you its a piece of crap... a 92 grand am... we named her lola... The feeling of freedom is remarkable... almost over night it has changed our relationship and how we deal with everyone else too... Instead of being so dependent we are able to CHOOSE! and do our laundry with no assistance! lol...

YEAH!!!!!!