Wonderment.

First a special shout out to Tina... Yes you have commented here before and as always its greatly appriciated... in response to your question lets just say... they were trying to vote me out of office, not to mention some very blatant sexual innuendoes at my girlfriend. its all over myspace if you find me (click on bio)... Quite disturbing. (and I greatly enjoy reading your blog as well)

Lately i have been looking at the world and seeing so much bad ...Poeple that can look over a childs head on a crowded bus and snag the last seat leaving this small child standing, or walk past a hungry homeless person and then proceed to throw over half of a sandwhich into a puddle less than ten feet away. Mothers that ignore their children, perhaps for a man, or a woman or drugs or the internet. And people simply drenched in immaturity and spite. I am amazed that the world still turns with so much drowning out the good. I worte a poem last night.. Its about all i have to say today... enjoy

Man Child.

The shadows are long
Down foot from the past
The place of intersections
Where the choices
Form our hearts
Our life
Your life
But mostly
A future

A place of innocence
Where mistakes are as cheap
As the rewards.
You my sweet man child.
When will the plastic soldiers
Give way to understanding this war.

Rebellion bittersweet
When washed away
With your lovers tears.
Tears that burn like liquor,
And yet still underage.
A privilege meant for
Maturity.
For a man.
Yet stolen in a game of dress up.

So much already a man.
Yet still a tender girl
Tears in the stolen night
And big talk in the sun
How do I show you
An unavoidable path.
A place with sense
Where you can grow
Into you
Into him
Or hym
Or her
Whoever you dream to be.

Child like security
Child like insecurity
You my sweet man child.
Dreaming.
Of the second star to the right.
Yet cursed to the passage of time.

I'm back...

So i stopped writing here cause i thought i wanted some privacy with what was going on with me... but alas... it was found out anyhow. So for the rest of you.. My sweet Darling wonderful girlfriend devoloped feelings for another woman on the internet. So we took the last week to sort through this and decide where we wanted to be. In the end, we are still together and while there are some soft spots now, the emotion and feeling is stronger as is our bond to one another. Yeah i know it sounds cheeseey and most everyone i know thinks i should have kicked her to the curb. But the fact is attraction is part of life, and it was brought to me honestly.

where i do have a problem though presently is this other womans blatant immaturity. I know that at times i am not always the most mature or rational person.. But i do beleive that i have handled this with grace and dignity for the most part at least in "public" venues. yet i have had the situation repeatedly thrown in my face. and the only explanation offered... "she hates you cause you have what she wants"... I AM SORRY... I want this woman to know that i hate being made into the bad guy. She is the one that disrupted my fairy tale and spun my life out of control and now its like the sea itself is finally calm yet she continues to kick and punch my boat causing worse waves then before.

And what can i do about this? i wrote her a letter asking for respect... simple respect... she came back with more disrespect... for now i am going to take this as a lesson in dignity and patience and being the bigger person.

But for my readers... I'm back and i will start writing about my usual mumbo jumbo tomorrow... just thought i would take a minute tonight to get you all back up to date...

PS: to the office ladies... You hunted it down.. you know the dirt... its thanks to you two i'm back

an update

So its been finals week and just life in general has kept me busy... Sorry...

Finals are done

girls are confusing

club is fun as always

Stinky is on vacation

when i reach the point of being able to organize my thoughts this will be the first place i stop...

thanks for the patience.

I can NEVER remember....

I sit on the bus or the train during the day and i always come up with brilliant ideas about what to post... Something that will blow your mind... And then i forget... LOL I'm smooth....

So today... Pop Quiz

Name the Song:

1: "Now, we’ve got Cinderella, she’s chilling at homequite content with being alone. She is playing with the mice and singing with the birds and they’re the only ones who ever heard these words. She said "I’ll get in the damn pumpkin. Do it all right,weep and lose my slipper, freak out at midnight. But there’s one thing that the prince might not like, it’s the Fairygod I’m after. I’m a dyke."She screams at the top of her lungs "I’m whole, I’m body, I’m heart, I’m mind, I’m soul"She screams at the top of her lungs "I’m whole, I’m body, I’m heart, I’m mind, I’m soul." Alix Olsen... eve

2: "You've got someone here Wants to make it all right Someone to love you more Than I have right here You've gotta bring it on and I'll hold you tight A hand to lead you on through the night right hereI know your heart can get All tangled up insideBut don't you keep it to yourself" Little Big town... Bring it on Home

3: "Together again It would feel so good to beIn your arms Where all my journeys end If you can make a promise If it's one that you can keepI vow to come for youIf you wait for me And say you'll hold A place for me I in your heart." Tracy Chapman... Promise

4: "we're in a room without a door and i am sure without a doubt they're gonna wanna knowhow we got in here and they're gonna wanna know how we plan to get out we better have a good explanation for all the fun that we had'cuz they are coming for us, babe and they are going to be mad yeah they're going to be mad at us" Ani Difranco.... Shameless

So I know that those are all rather obscure songs... and i will mail a cookie to the person that can name all 4... Otherwise i will post the artist and song title in a couple of days...

Sadly only one person could name any of them and it was my ex girlfriend... the stalker like one... Wierd...

I....

I AM my mothers daughter
I WANT K to come home soon. and a 4.0 gpa and a diet coke.
I WISH i knew what to wish for.
I HATE ignorance... and people that dont put Stinky first (like people that wont let him sit down when all the other seats on the bus are full...
I MISS my sister poppy...
I FEAR the future and being a "real" adult.
I HEAR too much.
I WONDER about my capabilitys.
I REGRET Nothing....
I AM NOT as confident as people think i am
I DANCE with passion.
I SING poorly, but loudly at every chance.
I CRY in secret.
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS words for the weary.
I WRITE to hide. to exist. to live.
I CONFUSE others.
I NEED to be more productive... and $300
I SHOULD use my energy more productively..
I START to think too much late at night
I FINISH... no i dont...
I'M GLAD that i am starting to understand myself.

"I am contemplating life"

As I write that title my room mate/boss informs me that "everyone poops its just a fact of life". "I am gonna go contemplate life" is now house hold code for I need to take a shit. I don't know why this seems like a relevant thing to start out this post with... Perhaps cause it will give you a glimpse into my life. And the chaos that I am surrounded by.

Sometimes I marvel at how three people so quirky and odd can come together in one simply beautiful way. Perhaps we aren't your stereotypical vision of what a family should look like or be. But none the less we are family.

Life isn't always what you expect it to be, I realize that more and more every day as this crazzzy life unfolds before me.

I don't often talk about it here but I do have an amazing girlfriend, that I haven't seen in four years. And despite the thousands of miles and everything I have a hard time remembering what life was like before her. And while there are the naysayers that think I am out of my mind and that this is merely a fairy tale... I know something else. They ask how can you say you love someone that you have only ever talked to... Perhaps that is better in someways? It has gone beyond SEX and the superficial discussions of taco bell or McDonald's... And while I don't know her every little mannerism, I know her the core being of her.

And over the last week she has been my Angel... I have been insane with all this moving and finals and just junk going on in life...I have finally decided what city college I will attend next year and I have started to get myself settled there, my room is finally unpacked and things are gonna get back to normal...

Now with some divine help... Perhaps I will be able to find a job *crosses fingers*

Did You Miss Me???

So its been a few days since i posted... But we have been so caught up in moving and there has been so much unexpected bullshit that we still havent gotten everything straightened out...

So this weekend was spent shuttling stuff over via the car, and of course the ever important moving trips to IKEA and Target... Not to mention Packing...

So come Monday morning we were in positive spirits expecting a smooth move... Till 7:30 am when the phone rings... and its STBE telling us the movers arent at his place yet and he cant get through to the company... Yeah Yeah YEah... I know only a half hour late... But this also happened to be the day of the 300,000 person immigration march. As our luck would have it our flipping movers walked off the job... so we ended up getting a u-haul (insert lesbian joke here) and doing it ourselves... Loading it twice and unloading twice...

However it was declared somewhere around 1 that i am as usefull as a pet rock... Though by the end of the day i was upgraded to Gerbil... LOL

Really the last few days have been spent in constant motion trying to create a home out of our stack of boxes. But on the plus side i adore the neighborhood... Its Urban and hip... yet still like an actual neighborhood (we have GRASS!!!!).

At the moment i am just grazing over so much but I dont have the energy or the time to write all i want to at the moment... As always i am expected to be somewhere else in 20 minutes... This time class... Luckily only one more week and then finals are done... Thank GOD!